I always felt sorry for Wile E. Coyote, he was just trying to get something to eat. This video explains why he was chasing the Road Runner:

For the record, here are the 19 Different Flavors of the Road Runner:
(Compiled on: http://darrengarnick.wordpress.com/2011/03/20/flavors-of-the-road-runner/)
1. Banana (Head Crest)
2. Asparagus (Head Crest)
3. Papaya (Head Crest)
4. Liquorice (Head Crest)
5. Vanilla (Head Crest)
6. Sponge Cake (Beak)
7. Celery (Neck)
8. Candied Yam (Tail)
9. Caramel (Tail)
10. Salami (Windpipe)
11. Tamale (Chest)
12. Chop Suey (Tail)
13. Noodle (Abdomen)
14. Pork Chop (Thigh)
15. Wisconsin Cheddar Cheese (Knee)
16. Double Martini (Calf)
17. Bratwurst (Ankles)
18. Yorkshire Pudding (Heel)
19. Pistachio (Foot)

Detailed instructions for administering pills to your 4-legged friends.
Cat instructions followed by dog instructions.

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

 

2. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

 

3. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

 

4. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.

 

5. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

 

6. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

 

7. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

 

8. Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

 

9. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

 

10. Call fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

 

11. Tie cat’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

 

12. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quiet while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

 

13. Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

 

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL

1. Wrap it in bacon.

 

That’s why I have a dog

Yet every year people complain, EVERY year, when it snows and gets cold. If you were born here it should be no surprise, if you weren’t, why did you move here?

And they forget how to drive in snow, is it really that different from last year?

Winter means the holidays are back again, so it’s time to prepare for the in-laws or are they out-laws?
(Don’t roll your eyes you were thinking the same thing)

It’s time to get the presents bought and wrapped, the tree and house decorated, the holiday cookies made (and maybe save some for the family) and a big jug of spiked egg nog. Take the kids sledding, then come home and warm up by the fire. Hot cocao for them, hot spiked egg nog for me and the wife.

Well here’s to all of you. Happy holidays enjoy the snow it’s Mother Nature’s way of covering up the brown patchy grass.

I spoke with a co-worker about this (we both work in I/T) and he said that this is equivalent to a carpenter saying that he is not a hammer person.

A computer is a tool used to do your job. Well, not everyone needs to use a computer to do their job, but you get the point.

If you abuse or misuse the tool it will stop working correctly for you. Use a screwdriver as a pry bar and you will bend it, which will make it hard to screw in screws. You MUST pay attention to how you use a tool. If you don’t pay attention you can smash your thumb with that hammer.

This idea works with computers too, stop paying attention and you will get viruses, spy ware, and other malicious software. That can lead to identity theft or performance issues with your computer.

When on a company computer, read the AUP (Acceptable Use Policy). It will likely state that you are NOT to do ANY personal business with company resources. Every time you work computer gets infected it takes up resources to get it cleaned up, and puts your company at risk. What do you think your boss will say about that?

Don’t click on every pop-up that comes up on your computer.
Don’t give out personal info, just because someone, or something, asks for it.
Don’t install that Toolbar. (do you really need it?)
Delete that suspicious email (even if you are curious). DO NOT open it!

Read privacy agreements, when signing up for web pages, emails, ring tones, and other so-called freebies.

When in doubt, don’t give the info out!

You are responsible for your actions. Software does not get magically installed. Viruses don’t magically appear.

Perhaps I will compile a list of DO’s and Don’ts for computer use, but if you’re not a computer person…you won’t pay attention anyway.

Peace, and safe computing.

DO:

• Buckle Up
• Pay Attention (be aware of your surroundings, fog or ice up ahead means slow down, children at the curb may step into traffic, etc.)
• Be aware of the size of your vehicle and how it handles (if you don’t know how to drive it, especially in bad weather, then pull over and park)
• Be aware of other vehicles around you (a semi can’t stop as quick, can’t see what’s beside them, etc)
• Turn your headlights on at night or dusk (this is so that other drivers can see you)
• Make sure all of your lights work (again, so other drivers can see you)
• Turn your High Beams off (oncoming traffic cannot see the road when you do this)
• Turn the radio down! (this allow you to hear emergency vehicles and this noise pollution affects others, especially with the excessive bass)
• Clear the snow off ALL of your windows prior to driving (these drivers with “keyhole” windows through the snow are a danger to everyone)
• Adjust your driving to the weather (All-Wheel drive and Four-wheel drive do not help you to turn or stop on slippery roads, they just help you to get going)

DO NOT:

• Drive drunk (this is a no brainer)
• Cut others off (deliberately causing Road Rage is a bad idea)
• Use your cell phone while driving (Seriously, I almost got ran off the road by someone who was texting!)
• Tailgate (do you really know what the driver in front of you might do?)
• Race others (there are race tracks for this)
• Assume others will get out of your way (this goes with not tailgating, just because you are in a monster SUV does not mean you have right of way)
• Do rabbit stops, at lights or stop signs (one day you won’t stop in time and you will be hit broadside)

Christmas decorations were in the store on October 30th (that’s right a day before Halloween)!

Black Friday sales started before Thanksgiving. Valentines decorations have replaced all but the Christmas sale items (the day after Christmas).

Now that I have kids and extended family this causes undo stress. When I was a kid the holidays were a time of relaxing (no school) and fun. What Happened?

Remind me not to grow up next time around.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Happy Valentines Day!

We are sorry,
we were not strong enough to say “NO” to the previous administration.

We are sorry,
we are lazy and couldn’t resist deals and money that was too good to be true.

We are sorry,
we haven’t given up our SUVs, cellphones, HDTVs, cable and our waste and greed.

We are sorry,
but perhaps we will change now…perhaps.

The past 8 years have been like watching the “The Defecating Elephants and Poo-Flinging Monkey” act, in the 3-ring circus, known as “Government”, completely mess up the stage. The next act must clean up the stage and perform at the same time. Can you imagine a Black Irish Tenor trying to sing and shovel elephant dung at the same time?

I hope that he will keep his promises and fix this country, although I expect it will be an uphill battle the whole way.

There are those fearful morons who have already threatened his life, those that will disagree with him, just to disagree (often referred to as “Bi-Partisan politics”), and there are those that believe his shit doesn’t stink. This last group is probably the most damaging.

I hope we do not fall victim to our Slothfulness (laziness) when it comes to holding our elected officials to the promises they have made and the fact that it is the people who put them there; they MUST act in the best interests of the people, or we should remove them.

Too bad we did not do that with Dubya.

Well, here is to the next 4 years ( maybe 8 ) and hope that they get better and that America turns the corner and never goes back.